Use Your Senses With Your Kids

“What am I asked by random strangers on airplanes if they find out that I’m a therapist?”, a blog by Anna Major

Clients, friends, and of course random strangers on airplanes, sometimes ask me, “What is the most important thing a parent can do to adapt and adjust to their child as they develop and their maturity changes?” My answer may sound simple, and it is – but somehow, few parents do this. The answer is, “Use your senses to be in the moment with your child”. What a person says is only about 7% of their ability to communicate with you, but many parents allow texting to be their main mode of interacting with their kids. Here are my tips:

Sight – Watch body language and facial expressions. What topics are they relaxed when discussed with or around them and when do they look like they want to ‘flee the scene’? What in your environment changed just before a change in their behavior? When do they look happiest or sad?

Hearing – Listen not just for what they say, but for the pitch, tone, and pace of their voice. Do they sound different when talking to different people? Different groups? What causes the most anxiety in their tone, or makes them sound unsure? When do they sound most confident?

Touch – What types of physical interaction do they engage in? When do they hug a person, vs. offer a high five? When, and in front of who, are they comfortable, or not, with a parent’s affection?

Smell – Noticing evidence of cologne/perfume aligning with a particular interaction can be informative. Or, do they come home with any odors, such as smoke, that might be a warning of something.

Taste – A person will do a lot for acceptance by others and children are no different, so if they say they like a food that they never enjoyed with you before, don’t act shocked – but do take note.

Picking up new information is huge, but then – what do you do with it? Watch here for my next post, and I’ll dig in more.